The Stupid Adventures of Ron!
by Nhoj Nozuy
Summary: It's people him that make me afraid to go out at night, or any time for that matter.


**_The Stupid Adventures of Ron!_**

_**By: Nhoj Nozuy**_

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Harry Potter or any of it's characters.

_Italic: Indicates flashback_

**_Chapter: 1 Stupid Author…_**

Ron was sitting in the great Hall, twiddling his thumbs peacefully to himself. He was bored, and he was banned from his all-time favorite place, (the girl's restroom) for a more previous escapade.

" _Mr. Weasley! What are you doing with your arm down the toilet!" _

"_I was just trying to find my watch!"_

"_What the hell is a watch!"_

"_I don't know!"_

He was just sitting there when he got an idea. He would beat the World Record for eating chocolate frogs! (a/n Yes, random I know.) He ran upstairs with a bottle of his lucky fish oil, and got to work. Why fish oil you ask? I don't know. We shall never know the inner workings of our Ron's little mind.

After an afternoon of casting x-ray spells in the girls dormitory, Harry decides to check up on Ron to give him daily flea-check. He walks in and sees Ron in a corner cramming chocolate frogs into his mouth. "Ron, what the hell are you doing?" asked Harry. "Mmmph, mmmph, mmmph!" Ron tried to say. "What?" Harry said. "Although I can clearly see what you are doing, I'd like to clarify that you are actually doing it, so I will be certain that it's not just because I'm suffering the results of illegal drugs."

All of a sudden Draco walks in. "Can't you see what's happening PPPPPPotter, you Weasel friend is choking." He over exaggerated "Potter" just right so a loogy flew into Harry's face.

"Oh, thanks Draco. Swallow Ron, Swallow!" screamed Harry. "Wait a second did you just say swallow? Oh my god he did! He said swallow!" said Draco. And with that half the school showed up right in front of the scene, and they laughed and laughed until eventually it wasn't funny, and then they all went back to their sad and lonely lives.

Ron tried to swallow the chocolate frogs, but failed, and passed out.

About 5 hours later, Ron regained consciousness. He was in Madam Pomfrey's office stariing up at the cracked ceiling. "Ron. Are you okay?" It was Harry. "You're very lucky Ron, you could've died if it weren't for Neville." said Madam Pomfrey. "He voluntarily gave you CPR for 5 hours. I told him he could stop after the first 5 minutes, but he kept doing it, isn't that right Neville?" "My mouth tastes like chocolate…Mmmm…." Said Neville.

Madam Pomfrey just stared at him with a "What the Hell?" look on her face. "Okaaay then, well, you're quite lucky Ron. Quite lucky."

"So what the hell were you doing Ron? Stuffing down all those frogs of course." Said Harry.

Ron paused for a moment, scratched his head and said. "World record….chocolate frogs…."

Out of nowhere Hermione just appeared next to Ron's bed. "Whoever gave you that absurd idea." Said Hermione. "Where the crap were you the past, one, two, **12** paragraphs?" queried Harry. "Wouldn't you like to know. Ron choking, me appearing out of nowhere, shoe-horns," Hermione slowly turns towards the camera. "All of this could be found, in the Twilight Zo-" "Would you cut that out!" screamed Harry.

"Don't blame me for my incredibly stupid dialogue, it's the author that's doing it." Said Hermione. "Damn you authors!" shouted Harry.

"Anyways, I was trying to break the world record for eating chocolate frogs!" said Ron, craving for some attention.

"Well that's a stupid idea." Snorted Hermione.

"Hey! I never make fun of you when you do something stupid!" whined Ron. He was getting tired of made fun of and shot off that zinger. They were never going to counter that zesty retort.

"Ron, She never does anything stupid." Said Harry.

"You think you're so smart, with your…your… f-f-functioning organs!" Ron said. Harry and Hermione just looked at Ron, not knowing how to respond to that. They took a biig step backwards and continued bashing our little dude.

"Maybe we should do something else now." Said Harry. Making fun of Ron was fun, but not for 3 hours it's not, then people just want to beat someone up, especially Ron. There wasn't anything wrong with his head, was there? He hoped not.

**5 hours later…**

"Any ideas of what to do yet?" asked Harry.

"Nothing" responded Ron.

**5 hours later…**

"Anything yet?" asked Harry.

"Nope" responded Ron.

**5 hours later…**

"Any ideas yet Ron?" asked Harry for the 3rd time.

"No ideas Harry" responded **Neville**

"Was I addressing you biatch?" shouted Harry?

"N-No sir." Responded a quavering Neville.

"Then shut-up and gimmie yo sammich." Said Harry.

"Yessir" said Neville handing over the sammich.

"Dats what I though bitch" said Harry putting on a gaudy piece of Jewelry. "Fo shizzle bitches."

**5 hours later…**

"Any ideas Ronny-Boy?" asked Harry.

"Well there's always sleeping." Said Ron with a glazed look.

"Why do you say that?" asked Harry inquisitively.

"Well, if you gather all the 5 hour frames together, collectively we've been sitting here for more than a day." Said Ron.

"Good point."

And with that, they went to sleep.

End

Please R & R! First HP Comedy so don't bash!


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